


When All Seems Lost

by BluePines



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
Genre: An AU where Ethlyn wasn't at Yied, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Sigurd and Byron are mentioned enough to get character tags, The Yied massacre is mentioned and described in mildly graphic detail, There isn't suicide in this but it's mentioned like twice, This is in Finn and Ethlyn's POV, descriptions of violence, just a warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluePines/pseuds/BluePines
Summary: “Don’t worry about me Ethlyn,” Quan continued. “I want you to be there when I come home.”“They’ll be back soon,” Quan informed him. “I’ll be back once this is all said and done. Take care of them and Leif for me.”
Relationships: Cian | Quan/Ethlyn, Ethlyn & Finn (Fire Emblem)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	1. Prolouge: Departure

November.16, 761

Ethlyn wiped her brow again, the humidity slowly getting to her. She knew the desert was approaching soon and a nervous pit crawled into her. Altena shifted uncomfortably in Ethlyn’s lap. Ethlyn helped and kissed the top of her head tenderly. Ethlyn looked to her left and meet Quan’s troubled gaze.

“You don’t have to go,” Ethlyn told him, again.

They’d had this conversation before more than once or twice, even more than thrice. Quan tightened his lips and corner of his eyes.

“I will go Ethlyn,” Quan said lifting his hand to stop their march. “It’s time that you turn around.”

“Just a little further,” Ethlyn pleaded. “Then I’ll head home.”

“I let you travel further than partway Ethlyn,” Quan pressed. “This was further than I was comfortable letting you go.”

Ethlyn swore she could hear some of Quan’s soldiers inhale sharply.

“Please, Quan.”

“Ethlyn.”

Ethlyn grit her teeth together and leaned toward Quan slightly.

“I won’t get your way,” Ethlyn said. “Just let me help Sigurd and you.”

“And bring Altena to the field of war?” Quan answered frustration crawling into his voice. “Risk her life?!”

“No one would hurt her. No one will touch her when she’s with me.” Altena had perked up at her mention.

Quan’s gaze had turned into a glare. Ethlyn was nervous but she refused to back down. Ethlyn opened her mouth and Quan lost his patience.

“You are going home, Ethlyn!” Quan snapped. “That is final!”

Ethlyn inhaled sharply, sitting taller. Altena made a confused whine, pushing her back against Ethlyn’s stomach. Their party had fallen silent, the only noise was windblown grass. Ethlyn pulled her gaze away and looked down at the lance on his back.

One of Quan’s hands cupped Ethlyn’s cheek and she shut her eyes tightly.

“Ethlyn,” Quan sounded remorseful. “I just don’t want our children to lose their mother.”

“They need their father too,” Ethlyn said weakly.

“I won’t fall Ethlyn,” Quan assured her. “I’ll be home before Leif’s first word. I promise.”

Ethlyn nodded slowly, leaning her head into Quan’s hand.

“Don’t worry about me Ethlyn,” Quan continued. “I want you to be there when I come home.”

Ethlyn looked up and smiled weakly at Quan. Quan kissed her quickly and Altena made a grossed out noise. Ethlyn began to guide her horse towards Leonster. Altena tried popping her head over Ethlyn’s shoulder.

“Daddy!” Altena called out.

“I’ll be home soon Altena!” Quan called back out. “Know I love you and your mother. Look after your brother!”

Ethlyn looked back over Altena’s head and nodded to her husband. She took in his dark eyes, sharp jawline, and his neatly done dark hair. Ethlyn was drawn from her thoughts when Quan looked away, continuing his march to aid her brother.

“Why did you and daddy fight?” Altena asked looking up at Ethlyn.

“It wasn’t a fight,” Ethlyn answered. “We just... disagreed.”

“Daddy never yells at you,” Altena said quickly. “Why did he go anyway?”

“To help your uncle remember?” Ethlyn asked, fixing her gaze to the path.

“Right.” Altena trailed, laying against Ethlyn. “Can we play with Finn when we get back?”

“Of course!” Ethlyn chirped.

“I hope he isn’t sad without me.”

Ethlyn laughed a little at that. “I’m sure your brother is keeping him company.”


	2. Chapter 1: Simple Reunions

November.16, 761

Finn still didn’t understand why Lord Quan’s children liked him so much. Altena always beamed when she found him, running and leaping at him. Leif couldn’t speak or walk for that matter but the young lord sat in his lap. Leif held up a plush horse to Finn, his tiny hands barely holding it. Finn took it and wasn’t sure what to do with it.

Leif was still so young that when Finn wasn’t training or reporting he found himself in the prince’s nursery. Now that Altena was older she typically would be anywhere she was allowed but Leif was still extremely young and could easily get sick. It was better to not risk his health so Finn kept him entertained.

Leif rolled over and Finn quickly reached for him. Leif laughed and Finn sighed heavily. He reached over and grabbed a woodblock to distract the infant prince. Finn’s plan worked and the small boy was easily entertained.

Finn stared out the window, despite being cross-legged on the floor he could see out of it just fine. The lush green fields of Leonster always greeted the prince when he awoke or the arms of his mother. Finn tensed when he thought of Lady Ethlyn. Leif made a small noise and Finn relaxed.

Finn had done his best to stand by Lord Quan’s orders but he was upset when his lord told him he would not follow him to Yied. Ethlyn wasn’t meant to follow along but she convinced Quan to go partway. Altena wasn’t meant to go either, but she wouldn’t stop crying and Ethlyn took her along. Ethlyn should’ve been back with Altena by now but the sun had begun to dip below the horizon and she still wasn’t back.

“Ahhhh,” Leif sounded.

Finn looked down and Leif was holding out a woodblock to him. Finn smiled slightly trading the plush he’d been given earlier for the block. Leif laughed happily with his mother’s smile and reached out for Finn. Finn set aside what he was holding and lifted the prince into his arms. He stood awkwardly holding prince Leif as he looked up at Finn with wide eyes.

“Mmmmm,” lord Leif hummed, patting Finn’s arm.

“Mmm,” Finn mimicked, nodding his head.

Leif clapped his hands together, his movements slow. Leif rested his head against Finn’s chest and continued to hum quietly. Finn went to lower Leif into his crib but he hummed in protest. Finn held him carefully as his young lord did his best to fight his weariness. Eventually, he lost that battle and slept in Finn’s arms.

Finn lowered Leif into his cocoon of blankets and pillows this time without protest. Finn crouched down and began to pick up the toys that laid scattered across the floor. He did his best to be quiet but the door opened loudly. Finn perked his head up to see who it was. All he received was a weight in his lap and arms with jubilant laughter reaching his ears.

“Finn!” Altena pipped looking up at him with bright eyes. “Did you miss me?”

“I did,” Finn whispered, a fair amount of truth to his statement.

Altena let out a small giggle and continued to clamber into Finn’s laugh. Finn heard Leif groan in his sleep.

“Your brother is sleeping,” Finn whispered in Altena’s ear.

Altena peered past Finn’s shoulder at the crib and carefully slid from Finn’s lap. He heard a quiet knock at the door and saw Lady Ethlyn standing there. Finn went to stand and bowed uncomfortably due to the objects in his arms.

“My lady,” Finn addressed her.

“You don’t have to call me that Finn,” Ethlyn answered. “Just my name is fine.”

“I don’t believe I could.”

Ethlyn shrugged her shoulders before quickly striding towards the crib, staring lovingly down at her son. She shushed his groans of frustration and let him hold onto her finger.

“He wasn’t too much trouble while we were gone?” Ethlyn asked.

“He typically isn’t at this time,” Finn responded. “You and lady Altena didn’t miss much other than a few naps.”

Finn finally put away the toys in his arms and removed Lady Ethlyn’s mantle. Lady Ethlyn thanked him, still looking down. Ethlyn’s tender gaze was a stark contrast to her sad smile. Altena tugged at the hem of Finn’s shirt when she had his attention she reached up. Finn swiftly lifted the princess into his arms and returned her smile.

“Ah, that’s right,” Ethlyn said finally looking their way. “She wanted to play with us when we got back.”

“You seem weary,” Finn responded. “You may go rest, I’ll return Altena to her room when she’s tired.”

Ethlyn waved of Finn’s suggestion, sparing another glance to her sleeping son. Ethlyn opened the door and stepped out holding it open for Finn.

“Can we go to stables?” Altena asked with a smile.

“Of course my lady,” Finn answered and saw Ethlyn nod from beside him.

“Yay!”

“Have you spoken with his and her majesty yet?” Finn asked.

“Not really,” Ethlyn answered shaking her head a little. “We spoke a little to her majesty before she left to see King Calf.”

“He’s doing slightly better from what I hear.”

“I hear so too,” Ethlyn responded with a smile. “I’m glad, apparently he might be cleared for court soon.”

“A date?” Finn asked.

“They say depending on how he is in the morning he could attend in the afternoon,” Ethlyn answered swiftly. “I’m hoping he doesn’t overdo it still.”

Finn nodded and looked ahead again, Altena stared off into the distance. Finn reached out to open the door and let Ethlyn walk through before he followed.

“Did your travel go well?” Finn asked, Ethlyn walking beside him.

“It did,” Ethlyn answered looking at him. “Altena didn’t cry when she saw Quan off.”

“Of course I wouldn’t!” Altena chimed, her nose scrunched. “I can’t let the baby cry because I cried.”

“That’s polite of you,” Ethlyn said brushing Altena’s cheek. “I’m sure your father had a better peace of mind.”

Finn remembered how Altena screamed and cried when Ethlyn and Quan went to leave. Altena got angry when she didn’t get her way, she sometimes threw tantrums but not like that. Finn remembered how she pulled on Ethlyn’s skirt and just screamed and kept on screaming.

\---

_“Don’t cry Altena,” Ethlyn whispered. “I’ll be right back.”_

_Ethlyn had crouched down to assure Altena. Altena had just held Ethlyn in place and cried loudly, now she held onto the clip of Ethlyn’s cloak and continued. Quan stood behind Ethlyn unsure what to do, Finn had placed Leif down to try to help._

_“Lady Altena,” Finn called out._

_Typically Altena would quickly answer Finn’s call but this time she didn’t. Altena’s face was red and her eyes were screwed tight. He tried to pull Altena from Ethlyn but the young girl curled up against her more._

_Ethlyn looked back at Quan with an unsure expression. Quan tightened his lips and Ethlyn did as well._

_“Perhaps we should take her,” Ethlyn said._

_“Ethlyn that isn’t,” Quan started._

_“I’m only going partway,” Ethlyn interrupted. “Nothing will happen to her.”_

_“Fine.” Quan sighed._

_Ethlyn scooped Altena up from the floor and her screaming stopped. Ethlyn nuzzled Altena and the princess stopped her crying as well._

_“You can with us,” Ethlyn told Altena. “We’ll back soon okay?”_

_Altena nodded slowly, sniffling. Quan approached Finn and stood by him giving his daughter a sad smile._

_“They’ll be back soon,” Quan informed him. “I’ll be back once this is all said and done. Take care of them and Leif for me.”_

_“So long as my body still has breath,” Finn responded calmly. “No harm shall come to any of them.”_

_“I knew I could count on you, Finn.”_

\---

Finn jumped slightly when he felt someone pinch his ear. Ethlyn looked at him with concern in his eyes. When Finn tilted his head at her she let her hand fall.

“Welcome back,” Ethlyn said. “You spaced off.”

“My apologies,” he answered.

Ethlyn shook her head, before stretching her arms up. They’d made it outside and were standing on the edge of the stables. Altena patted Finn’s arm lightly, her signal she wanted to be put down. Altena landed with a small huff and skipped over to the horses. Ethlyn and Finn followed behind watching the young girl carefully.

“I can’t thank you enough for keeping Leif entertained,” Ethlyn said with her natural smile.

“I’m sure the prince will be happy to see you when he wakes up,” Finn answered.

“I hope he would be,” Ethlyn chimed. “He looks at you with such amazement the same goes for Altena.”

Finn didn’t respond, he wasn’t sure if it was she was upset and masking it or stating a fact. Leif did laugh when he recognized Finn, Altena did always vie for his attention.

“I’m glad they’re so fond of you,” Ethlyn broke into Finn’s thoughts. “Quan and I both.”

“I’m pleased to know it doesn’t upset you or my lord,” Finn answered with the ghost of a smile.

“We could never really be upset at you.” Ethlyn sang.

Finn watched as Altena reached up to one of the horses, she was tall for her age but not even that would let her reach her target. Ethlyn quickly strode over and lifted her. Ethlyn held Altena close enough to the horse that Altena’s small hand could pet the muzzle of the horse.

“Ahaha!” Altena laughed warmly.

Finn smiled and approached the pair and stood by their side.

\---

Altena slept peacefully in Ethlyn’s arms, after a few hours of her return she’d finally fell asleep. Altena didn’t stir easily, so her mother patting down her hair didn’t make her wake up.

“She’s finally asleep,” Ethlyn sighed. “I thought she’d be tired after dinner but I suppose her nap on the way back didn’t help.”

“Well she wasn’t quite good at stone skipping,” Finn answered quietly. “Perhaps that tired her out.”

“Maybe,” Ethlyn responded. “Where did you even learn that?”

“From Dew,” Finn swiftly said. “He also taught Shannan and Oifey.”

“I don’t remember you telling us,” Ethlyn said eyes glued to the black night sky.

“It was when we had a break in Augustria,” Finn informed her. “You and Lord Quan were with Lord Sigurd for a war council.”

“That makes more sense, we were pretty busy in Augustria,” Ethlyn stated sadly. “I wonder how Sigurd is doing, I should’ve written him a letter.”

Finn heard the slight nervousness in her voice. Lady Ethlyn always worried about Lord Sigurd, after his branding as a traitor she was even more worried. Ethlyn didn’t want to leave Silesse but Quan had convinced her once he and Finn found out she was with a second child. Certainly, now she wasn’t only worried for Lord Sigurd but Duke Byron as well, and now Lord Quan.

Finn was worried himself, war was unpredictable, he’d had close calls as did Ethlyn and Quan. Finn could tell himself the fact Lord Quan would return unharmed was true all he wished but he was still nervous.

“I’m sure Lord Sigurd will be fine my lady,” Finn lied(he wished he wasn’t). “He’ll visit soon enough when his name is cleared.

“I pray you’re right,” Ethlyn answered somberly.

Finn collected the flat stones he was teaching Altena to skip and dropped them carefully back into the water pools. Ethlyn stood slowly as to not risk waking Altena.

“Would you like me to escort you?” Finn asked solemnly.

“I’d love to talk longer with you,” Ethlyn answered cheerfully.

“What about?”

“How did your training go today?”

“Do you wish to hear my lady?”

“Because it’s you, yes.”

Finn thought about, nothing different happened in his regimen. All Finn did was practice his jabs and blocks with some new squires around his age.

“It went well,” Finn finally answered. “The same regimen I typically follow.”

“The one that drew Quan’s attention?” Ethlyn asked with a nostalgic look in her eyes.

“It’s similar.”

“Quan raved about you that day,” Ethlyn reminisced. “He commented on your technique, I didn’t understand entirely what he was saying then but when I saw you fight in Verdane I understood.

Finn felt his face flush with embarrassment and he tried to hide his face. “You flatter me, my lady.”

“Are you embarrassed?” Ethlyn asked and Finn could hear the mischievous smile on her tone. “It’s like when you first began to help Lachesis.”

Finn tensed up and felt Ethlyn poke his arm but he shut his mouth for the rest of their walk. Finn escorted Ethlyn to her room once they dropped Altena off with her nurse. Once Ethlyn made it to her chambers Finn quickly excused him. He never took flattery well, no matter who it was from. Unlike the other times, there was a warm feeling of satisfaction in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note from me. I'm hoping to post chapter two by late September since I have chapter 4 complete by now. My plan for posting is to post once a month in the middle of every month. I'm trying to get the ball rolling this month so there's this chapter and chapter 2 should be posted in late September. Depending on how fast I work I might update this twice a month. Thanks for Reading! Criticism is appreciated and I'll do my best to improve. This chapter was posted on the 5th but ao3 refuses to update the day, yay.


	3. Chapter 2: With Warm Laughter

November.17, 761

Ethlyn felt the cool fabric around her as she pulled herself from her sleepy haze, the cool Autumn air wrapping around her. Burrowing herself into her mattress, she opened her eyes and saw the pale glow of the early morning sun peek through the curtains, sitting up, she allowed her hair to fall past her shoulders. Ethlyn stopped. Typically, Quan was present, with his arms around her and his fingers in her hair, feigning an attempt to keep her in bed.

Ethlyn laid her hand over Quan’s half of the bed, the cool fabric chilled her to the bone. Though Ethlyn had been living in Leonster for almost four years she still found the autumn and winter wind bone-chilling. Quan would wrap his arms around her and pull her close to keep her warm. Quan just always seemed to radiate heat. Ethlyn felt her chest tighten and she pulled her gaze away and stood slowly the sleep finally leaving her eyes.

Ethlyn inhaled sharply stretching her arms up. She had to get through the day. The faster it went the sooner Quan would be home.

\---

Ethlyn opened the nursery door with a bright smile. She could hear Leif’s quiet babblings and she quickly walked over to the side of his crib. She leaned over the edge and smiled at him warmly. Leif let out a happy laugh, kicking his legs out and clapping his hands together. Ethlyn scooped him up carefully and pulled him close to her chest.

“Hi,” Ethlyn said with a high pitch.

Leif patted his hands against Ethlyn’s collarbone lightly. Ethlyn lifted him to be against her shoulder and rubbed the back of his head. Leif wasn’t as loud as Altena was when she was barely born but he did pat people for attention. She adjusted Leif so he would lay in her arms.

“How my favorite little boy?” Ethlyn cooed warmly.

Leif gave her a bright look and she laughed.

“I’ll say you’re doing great!” Ethlyn piped kissing his forehead. “Let’s go on a little trip.”

Ethlyn walked over to his chest in the corner of the room. She opened it carefully and turned Leif to face it.

“What do you want to take with you?” She asked crouching down.

Leif tried reaching for the dark brown horse and Ethlyn reached for it and handed it to him. Ethlyn had gotten it for Leif when after she and Quan had a debate about him going to aid Sigurd. She was planning to follow Quan so she wanted to get something so Leif and Altena had some keepsakes of them. Altena got a white plush for Ethlyn’s mare and Leif the one he held weakly for Quan’s.

Ethlyn got up and grabbed a blanket for Leif so he wouldn’t get cold. Ethlyn wasn’t sure if Leif was bothered by the cold or not but she told herself he was. Leif bounced in Ethlyn’s arms, a habit of his. Leif was very lively and active, even when he was being held he wasn’t any different.

Ethlyn shut the door behind her carefully and walked into the hallway, Leif laid against her shoulder. He made low babblings at the people and windows they passed. Leif was typically asleep at this time but today was one of his rare lively days. Leif pat lightly against her collarbone every time the passed someone, after stiff greetings and bows, he’d sink against her and eye the person as they continued.

“Ah,” a voice behind the pair caught Ethlyn’s ear. “Ethlyn?”

Ethlyn slowly spun on her heel and instantly stood straighter.

“Your majesty,” Ethlyn greeted, facing Leif to Alfiona. “Say hello to your grandmother.”

Leif responded with a quiet ‘bah’ before leaning against her shoulder again. Ethlyn laughed and she carefully patted his back.

“He’s so attached to you, Finn, and Quan,” Alfiona said loosely. “I’m hoping he won’t be too shy when he grows up.”

“He might take after his sister,” Ethlyn responded cheerfully. “But I think he’ll be her opposite.”

Alfiona lifted the corners of her mouth slightly, her regal smile, and let her eyes drift down to her grandson.

“Speaking of Altena,” Alfiona started laying her hand on Leif’s cheek. “Where is she? I would’ve expected her to be with you.”

“I let her accompany Finn for the morning. She’d begged me to and she likely would’ve run off to find him anyway.”

“All of you are quite attached to him.”

“It’s hard not to be,” Ethlyn answered with a bright smile.

“That reminds me,” Alfiona said bringing her gaze to meet Ethlyn’s. “Calf wished to speak with you. Of course, go when you are able.”

Ethlyn knew she was talking about Leif. He was barely two months old and as much as Calf would love to see him, no one was willing to take the risk.

“I’ll go visit him now,” Ethlyn piped.

Alfiona opened her mouth, likely to state the fact she had Leif with her.

“And then you can have time with Leif,” Ethlyn said helping put Leif in her arms. “If that is alright with you?”

“I’d love to,” Alfiona said smiling down at her loosely bundled grandson.

Ethlyn laid her hands on Leifs cheeks, warmly saying, “mommy will be back soon enough. Have fun alright?”

Leif responded with a loud ‘aahhh’ and Ethlyn smiled brightly. She spun on her heel and started to make her way to the great chambers.

\---

Ethlyn knocked quietly on the door and she heard a low and muffled response. She quietly and slowly opened the door, poking her head from behind it. She heard a small huff from Calf as she shut the door behind her.

“You asked to see me, your majesty?” Ethlyn said, bow slightly.

“I just wanted to speak with you over some things,” Calf answered with a raspy voice.

Ethlyn began walking over to the bedside table when she saw the medicine sitting on it, untouched. She sighed heavily before she started to check the bowl next to it for herbs. She began pulling the leaves from the stem carefully.

“I swear both you and Quan don’t know how to handle things like this,” Ethlyn stated.

“Ah it slipped my mind,” Calf responded with a laugh and she heard the soft sounds of scratching on paper.

Ethlyn looked over her shoulder and saw a long parchment in Calf’s hands.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Ethlyn pressed while continuing her task. “If your fever returns then you won’t be cleared for court tomorrow.”

“It won’t come back,” Calf assured. “When you made Quan the same remedy a few years back his fever didn’t spike back up when he slipped out at night to train,”

“He what?!” Ethlyn shot back fully snapping her head to Calf and sighed. “I swear to Baldur I’ll get an answer from him when he comes back.”

Ethlyn dropped the leaves into the mixture of water, tea, and vulnerary; spun it then handed it to Calf. He accepted it with an airy ‘thank you’ then took a small sip.

“Still tastes putrid,” he said.

“Well, it’s better than being in bed all day.”

“I suppose,” Calf drew out. “May you sit? I wish to discuss a plentitude of things.”

Ethlyn nodded and sat down swiftly. Calf handed her some parchment and she took it and read the words lined up at the top. “Social Affairs” was neatly written and she looked to Calf for him to continue speaking.

“There are some social affairs that Quan was planning to deal with before he set in stone when he was leaving,” Calf paused. “They’re seeing the harvests in areas near Leonster and perhaps visit court those days.”

“I’d be happy to,” Ethlyn answered.

Going to court was always a bit stressful for Ethlyn. Being addressed as consort princess always was, Quan had always helped her follow his lead. Now she needed to lead by example and hopefully not mess up.

“How are Leif and Altena?” Calf asked the corners of his eyes softened a little.

“They’re doing great,” Ethlyn piped quickly. “Altena is currently with Finn.”

“Never idle is she?”

“Ah, I suppose she isn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Criticism is appreciated, thanks for reading! Honestly I'm not too sure about the quality of this chapter but I hope it was good. Posted Sep.29, 2020(Since ao3 won't update the date itself I'll be keeping track of it for myself)


	4. Chapter 3: So Much Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween everyone! Enjoy~

November.17, 761

The gentle wind was a blessing from Nj örun herself, Finn always worked better when the heat wasn’t beating down on him. His lance felt light in his hands but the gaze burning into his back made him feel weighed down. Finn didn’t particularly enjoy being watched intently, that’s why Finn rarely attended formal gatherings unless asked by Ethlyn or Quan.

“Finn!” Altena piped.

“Lady Altena,” Finn answered, turning to look at her.

“Can you teach me to use a lance?” Altena asked with wonder in her eyes.

“You’re still too young,” Finn informed her, with an amused look in his eyes.

“Says who?” Altena asked with a pout.

“I just did, I wouldn’t recommend starting just yet.”

Altena sighed loudly, throwing her head back. Finn heard some of the other knights laugh nearby, he responded to their laughter with a simple glance, more than enough to make them as silent as a mute. Ethlyn had asked Finn to watch Altena while she spent some time with Leif. Finn, of course, obliged. Altena has asked to see him train, she’d watch Quan train sometimes with great focus for her age.

“Maybe when you’re taller,” Finn said, hoping to lift Altena’s spirit. “Your father would be ecstatic to train you.”

“Ecstatic?”

“Overjoyed,” Finn answered, mentally chiding himself.

Altena made an “o” shape with her mouth and nodded quickly. She could grasp new things fairly fast, but sometimes didn’t understand the words Finn used. Altena got to her feet quickly bounding over to Finn. Her eyes were on the shaft Finn was holding tightly.

“Is it heavy?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I’m used to its weight,” Finn said crouching down.

“Can I see?”

“I’ll help you.”

Finn saw Altena clasp both her small hands on the underside of the shaft. Finn did the same and watched Altena carefully.

“I’m going to release it, okay?” Finn said, gaze not breaking.

Altena nodded and Finn left his hands underneath it but unwound his fingers from the shaft. The lance fell onto Finn’s palm and he heard Altena make a surprised gasp. Finn went to grab it when Altena shakily held it above his palm slightly. Finn helped Altena by taking the lance back from her and laying it on the floor.

“It feels lighter than the baby,” Altena said with a small pant.

“It’s a bit lighter,” Finn said evenly.

Altena had been calling prince Leif “the baby” since he was born. She hadn’t called Leif by name since Ethlyn and Quan told her his name. Finn wondered when she’d grow out of it, but for now, it was cute.

“Do you think he can hold a lance?”

“No.”

\---

Finn held Altena in his arms while she pointed up to clouds in the sky. They stood in the garden and Finn wondered if it was going to snow in the next few days.

“That one looks like a rabbit!” Altena sang.

Finn looked to the cloud Altena was pointing at, all he saw was a couple of clumps of white puffs. Altena liked looking at the clouds, she always tried to reach out to them by trying to jump to them.

“It kind of does,” Finn said in an attempt to indulge the girl.

Altena perked her head up at the sounds of hushed speaking. Altena twisted in Finn’s hold and beamed brightly. Altena pushed herself up a little on Finn’s shoulder.

“Mom!” Altena called out with a bright smile.

Finn turned around and bowed slightly and Altena twisted the other way. She pats Finn’s arm and he lets her slide from his grasp. Altena attaches herself to Ethlyns leg. Ethlyn looks down at Altena lovingly holding a bundle in her arms.

“My little princess,” Ethlyn cooed warmly. “Look who I brought.”

Ethlyn carefully got to her knees and showed Altena her brother wrapped tightly in a blanket. Leif made a happy noise when he recognized his sister and tried to reach out for her, but was bundled too tightly. Altena leaned over him and poked his cheek with a smile on her face.

“My lady,” Finn addressed Ethlyn.

“Thank you again, Finn,” Ethlyn said.

“Isn’t too cold for him to be out?” Finn asked, sitting next to Ethlyn.

“It’s alright if it’s for a short while,” Ethlyn said, watching Leif and Altena. “Then he’s heading back to warm up.”

Finn nodded and saw Leif’s wide eyes drift over to him. Leif smiled and laughed happily when he finally settled his gaze. Altena drew Leif’s attention with a gentle pat and pointed to the sky.

“They look like rabbits, don’t they?” Altena asked cheerfully.

Leif, not knowing how to speak, just stared at the sky with a neutral expression. The look in his eyes was one of wonder and was unusually quiet.

“You’re a baby so you can’t talk,” Altena mumbled quietly.

“I’m sure once he can you two can catch up on this conversation,” Ethlyn chimed. “You both will have plenty to talk about.”

“We’ll be like friends?” Altena asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Like you and Finn?”

“Of course,” Ethlyn answered with no hesitation.

Finn gave Ethlyn a long stare, he felt like the world stopped for a moment. He’d never considered seeing Ethlyn as a friend; he'd chewed himself out for entertaining the mere concept of thinking of her and Quan as his family before. He’d thought Glade was his only friend, not that he was upset by that, Finn felt his face flush and nodded when Altena looked at him.

“I hope he starts talking soon,” Altena said quickly. “There’s so much I want to talk to him about.”

“Just give it time,” Ethlyn said, leaning towards Finn.

Altena swayed from side to side before popping up onto her heels. She opened her mouth to speak but she stopped when she saw a knight run up to them. Finn stood up quickly and Ethlyn looked up over her shoulder.

“My lady, Sir Finn,” They spoke with an exhausted tone and slowly dropped to one knee. “His Majesty requests your presence in the great chambers.”

“May you inform him that I will arrive there shortly,” Ethlyn answered standing slowly. “I need to bring Leif and Altena inside.”

“It is an urgent matter, my lady.”

Finn felt the air around him grow cold and a dark feeling gnawed at the back of his mind. Ethlyn tightened her lips and he could see the worry in her eyes. She looked towards the door, to the women standing nearby, her ladies in waiting.

“Josephine, Victoria,” Ethlyn called out.

The women approached quickly, muttering pleasantries as they awaited Ethlyn’s words.

“Take Leif and Altena to the nursery please,” Ethlyn spoke with a small smile while handing Leif over. “Keep them company until I return.”

“Of course, my lady,” One answered with a polite smile.

They began to walk off and Altena walked after them casting a quick look over her shoulder before disappearing into the castle halls. Ethlyn stood stiffly and pulled the cuff of her sleeve. She inhaled sharply before turning to Finn with a small smile on her face.

“Let’s be on our way,” Ethlyn said with a gentle tone.

The knight nodded and quickly got up to his feet and began walking towards the doors and led them through the hallways. Finn could feel the uneasy confidence that Ethlyn radiated. Finn looked ahead and the halls grew quieter and quieter. Finn felt unease cut through him but he kept his expression neutral. Finn realized they had made it outside the great chambers already and Finn’s blood froze at the silent hall except for a low mumble from inside the room. Ethlyn approached the door and knocked on it carefully.

A servant opened the door and bowed, clearly avoiding eye contact, but Finn could see the bloodshot red color of their eyes. Finn’s heart constricted and he knew whatever this was there’s no way it would end well.

“Your majesties, what was- eh? What...what’s wrong?” Ethlyn spoke starting confidently and audibly wavering.

Lord Calf was standing rigidly, his hand covering his eyes and a letter tightly held in his grasp. Lady Alfiona was seated on a nearby chair, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed. A messenger kneeled in front of lord Calf with his head hung long. Ethlyn stepped into the room her lips were nervously knit together and Finn stepped in behind her. Finn pressed his heels against the floor.

Calf took in a deep breath and he slowly moved his hand. “There you two are.”

Finn went to kneel but Calf held his hand out and Finn stood straight again.

“What happened?” Ethlyn asked hesitantly.

“News from scouts and Belhalla.”

“News of Sigurd?” Ethlyn asked with the ghost of a smile, she did really always cling to the smallest strand of hope.

“Sigurd’s forces rode to Belhalla this morning,” Calf paused for a second too long and Finn quickly picked up on his grim tone. “He had no audience with the king. He met his end by the hands of the old duke of Veltomer. Sigurd and his men were swiftly met with the fire of the Rottanritter”

Old duke of Velthomer? Arvis was the current duke, his father was dead, how could he have been the old duke? How could he have so easily killed Sigurd? Was lord Quan there? No. That couldn’t be possible. Finn struggled to formulate his questions or words but a quick sob escaped Ethlyn’s throat.

“No, no no,” Ethlyn mumbled her eyes painted with distress. “Sigurd….fath- wait! What about father? Him and Quan?”

Ethlyn clasped her hands together and he could hear a quick and jumbled whisper of a prayer.

Lord Calf’s eyes grew darker and Finn knew the answer. He could see the smallest glimmer of hope in Ethlyn’s expression and the pure desperation in her eyes. Duke Byron was dead, did he know how? No, he didn’t wish to know, he couldn’t bear ever having to be the person to have to tell her. Lord Quan, the world seemed to be pulled right from underneath him. The man Finn called the strongest man in Jugdral, gone? He couldn’t truly process it, it couldn’t be real, it couldn’t.

“Duke Byron….” Calf trailed. “We know nothing of whether he is alive or dead. Sigurd rode onto Belhalla with Tyrfing and that leads us to assume that Duke Byron has long since passed.”

“Gods….no,” Ethlyn mumbled covering her mouth and her eyes brimmed with tears and she shook like a leaf.

“Quan…”

Lady Alfiona let out a muffled sob when Lord Calf mentioned Lord Quan’s name. Finn felt the temperature and soul plummet. How? How did it happen? What could’ve felled him like that? Finn didn’t want to believe it, he wanted to hold onto the little glimmer of hope like Ethlyn could but he felt a hollow feeling cut into him.

“There was an ambush in Yeid,” Calf grit his teeth before he continued. “Damn Thracian knights caught them off guard. From what the scouts could make out, no one survived.”

Calf sounded solemn and frustrated. Finn grit his teeth together at the mention of Thracia. Everyone had planned for them to target Leonster, how did they find out about Quan’s departure?

A strangled whimper cut through the heavy silence. Finn moved his gaze back to Ethlyn and his heart folded in on itself in his chest. Tears spilled from her eyes as the small hope that once accompanied them left, leaving only pools of terror and anguish. She dropped quickly and Finn barely caught her under her shoulders. She sagged in his arms and clasped her hands on his wrists. Finn gently lowered her onto her knees, but she didn’t notice, Ethlyn’s bottom lip quivered and tears spilled down her face faster. A shrill scream tore through the air and Ethlyn sobbed and screamed inconsolably. Finn didn’t know what to do, he himself wanted to cry but he held onto Ethlyn as she weeped.

\---

Finn wasn’t sure how long he’d been in the great chamber, holding his lady like a mother would their screaming child. He held Ethlyn in his arms, who passed out when she found herself unable to cry. She shook in his grasp from time to time but Finn hardly noticed. He blankly walked down the hallway before he was stopped by a woman. She blinked multiple times, her eyes glimmering with tears, and she reached out for Ethlyn. He gently passed Ethlyn over to her and she didn’t stir. Finn did nothing else but walk away.

\---

Finn’s mind caught up to him when he shut the door to his room. He pressed his back against the door and slid down to the floor. He hadn’t noticed the tears that fell silently from his eyes. He tapped his head against the door and felt his mind slowly pull him into the quiet lull of his exhaustion. Finn swore he could hear Quan calling to him, Finn wanted so desperately to answer him, but succumbed to his exhaustion before he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I feel bad writing this chapter? Yes. Getting this chapter done was likely the hardest chapter I'll have to do and it also might be the longest. Thanks for reading and happy Halloween and if you're reading this when it isn't Halloween, have a nice day! (Posted Oct.31,2020)


	5. Chapter 4: A Drink to Forget and One to Remember

November.19, 761

Finn wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting on his bed mindlessly running his fingers over the point of his lance. Quan had gifted it to him after they’d seized Heirhein. Finn always took great care of it, he treasured it greatly. Finn didn’t feel proud when he held it this time. Finn hung his head low his tears ran dry when he’d woken up yesterday slumped against his door.

Yesterday had and today had gone by in a blur, he didn’t see Altena or Ethlyn, neither came for him either. Finn raised his head slightly when he heard a low knock. Part of him prayed it wasn’t Altena, he couldn’t bear look her in the eye, her father’s eyes. Finn reluctantly stood and slowly opened the door.

Instead of the young girl, Glade leaned against his doorframe with a solemn expression.

“Wanna go get drinks?” Glade asked giving Finn a said stare.

“Why not,” Finn answered stepped out of his room.

Glade pushed himself from the wall and began walking down the hall with his hands stuffed in his coat pockets. They didn’t speak as they walked outside, Finn simply followed Glade. When they stepped outside Finn felt cold air wrap around him and force himself to focus on his surroundings. There was a light dusting of snow, when did it snow?

“You cold?” Glade asked slowly. “We can head back.”

“It isn’t a far walk,” Finn said with a shrug.

“Okay,” Glade answered following behind Finn.

They walked through the castle town of Leonster, people spoke in hushed whispers and trying to quietly shuffle across the snow. Typically people would be talking loudly on the streets to sell their merchandise or just day to day talks. When Glade and Finn entered their signature tavern it wasn’t deathly quiet but not as loud as usual. They sat in their usual seats, the small round table against the far wall.

“I didn’t see you yesterday,” Glade said as a barmaid set down two glasses.

“I don’t remember what I did yesterday,” Finn answered raising his glass to his lips.

“Honestly,” Glade said between sips. “Me neither.”

Finn took a long sip and his mind tried to process what the taste was, his body had been used to drinking the expensive whiskey Quan sometimes offered him. Finn tightened his lips before swallowing. Finn took a breath before taking another sip, he didn’t want to remember the bitter taste of those short glasses. That Ethlyn preferred wine if she ever drank, he tried to push it away. He set down his half-empty glass with a light tap but Glade kept his eyes on the ceiling.

“This is the feeling,” Glade mumbled once he set down his empty glass.

Finn shot him a sharp look. This was the feeling? Knowing their prince was murdered and left to rot in the sands. That Thracia would surely head for Leonster with enough time. That if Quan’s children were murdered by Thracia or in a coup leonster would be in real shambles?

“Being here,” Glade continued with defeat lingering in his tone. “We haven’t been here in ages.”

“I suppose we haven’t,” Finn answered watching the barmaid switch out Glade’s glasses.

“To be real,” Glade said with the ghost of a smile. “You look like you haven’t slept.”

Finn thought about the night before, how he mostly spent his time sitting still waiting for something. Every time he shut his eyes to sleep he felt uneasy as if he were being watched. Finn had decided to give up on attempting to drift off after a while.

“I don’t feel tired,” Finn said.

Glade tightened his lips, he did that when he questioned someone. Finn hadn’t been lying so he just took another sip finishing his drink. The barmaid came back over quickly and put another full glass down when Finn nodded.

“Have you seen Lady Ethlyn?” Glade asked carefully.

Finn inhaled sharply. “I haven’t gone to see her,” Finn said quickly.

“I heard she’s holed herself up,” Glade said before another sip.

“Are you a kitchen maid know?” Finn said with a hint of humor and defensiveness. “Believing what you hear from outside sources?”

“I heard it from one of her ladies when I passed them,” Glade said quickly. “Therefore, I’m not a rumor loving maid.”

Finn scoffed before taking another long sip still trying to forget. One of Ethlyn’s ladies, that probably meant Glade wasn’t lying. Finn shoved the thought down when he remembered Ethlyn would probably leave to check up on Altena and Leif at least once. She would right? Finn tensed at that thought, praying he was right. Glade set down his second glass down quickly, shaking his head when approached with a third glass. Glade handed the maid some silver coins and turned his attention back to Finn.

“Lady Altena asked about you,” Glade told him flatly.

Finn felt his heart lurch in his chest. If what Glade said about Ethlyn was true Altena would hardly have anyone to talk to. Altena didn’t know kids her age and chose to spend her time with Finn when she could. Finn almost swore he could hear her calling his name.

“You haven’t stopped to see her?” Glade asked.

“I haven’t,” Finn said, words filled with regret. “What did she ask?”

“Asked if I’ve seen you,” Glade answered swiftly. “Her nurse sought me out with the princess.”

Finn sat rigidly in his seat, taking another sip. Finn thought he felt someone tugging at his sleeve but he knew his mind was trying to remind him of Altena. Altena would tug at him or call out Finn’s name for his attention. Pat him when she wanted to be let go or when she talked to him when she was meant to be quiet. Finn shut his eyes and saw a dark soulless pair staring back. Finn grit his teeth when he felt the pair burn into his soul. He opened his eyes and looked back at Glade setting down his empty glass.

Finn subconsciously put down a few coins on the table before standing. Glade shuffled to his feet as Finn began walking out.

“Are you going to see her?” Glade asked as they stepped out into the cold air.

“Not today,” Finn answered hesitantly. “At this time of day, she’s already been prepared for bed.”

Glade walked up to his side with one of his brows raised in confusion.

“She won’t sleep if I see her,” Finn told him. “Her majesty won’t be pleased with that.”

“Has it happened before?”

“Once. Almost twice.”

Glade made a small hum of understanding and took a few steps forward. Glade dusted some snow from his hair when he noticed the flakes falling from the sky.

“Let’s head back,” Glade said dejectedly. “It’s cold.”

Finn nodded and walked ahead picturing Altena’s bright eyes in the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! (Nov.20,2020)


	6. Chapter 5: My Thoughts Seem to get Louder

November.20, 761

Finn slowly walked down the hall, passing servants and nodding as they greeted him. Typically, this hall had more people in it if Finn escorted Ethlyn to her room, it’d be them, her ladies, and the servants and guards already in the hall. Now, people were hardly present, and those who were made no attempt at filling the dead air. The silence was broken by Finn merely walking, something he rarely even heard in this hall before. He slowly approached the large set of dark doors at the end of the hall and knocked quickly. Finn took a step back and placed his hands behind his back while he waited.

After a minute or two, the door opened slowly and carefully. Typically Ethlyn would answer her door, instead one of her ladies-in-waiting stood in front of him. She shut the door quietly and faced him, quickly curtsying.

“How may I assist you, Sir Finn?” She asked in a hushed tone.

“I came to see how Lady Ethlyn is faring,” Finn answered, matching her volume.

“Ah,” the young women had a pained expression. “I believe it best that my lady gets to rest.”

“Is she ill?” Finn asked, concern creeping into his tone.

“No,” she replied. “She’s sleeping, I can inform her of your visit when she wakes, if you would like me to Sir.”

“If you may,” Finn answered, eyes moving past the girl to the door. “Thank you for tending to her.”

“None needed Sir,” the woman told him before quietly entering the room.

Finn heard a low mumble through the door before he slowly walked away. Ethlyn never slept this late in the morning, in about an hour she would usually eat lunch. _Nothing about the last three days had been normal or right_. Finn went the way he came, planning to look for Altena, as he wouldn’t want her to continue searching for him.

\---

Going outside Finn noticed the snow had piled significantly higher overnight, at this point it was barely underneath his ankles. Finn wandered here after failing to find Altena in her or Leif’s room as her second nurse had said she was there. Finn peered into the small courtyard tucked away from the center garden, hearing mumbles that sounded all too similar to Altena.

He saw her standing in the snow, the snow above her ankles and on her pale blue woolen frock. She crouched down and stuck her gloved hands in the white powder with an unamused face. Finn slowly approached her and saw her perk up at the sound of crunching snow. She looked in his direction and stood straight with a look of surprise.

“Finn!” Altena yelled, running to him.

Altena held tightly onto Finn’s leg, looking up at him with Quan’s eyes. Her brown bangs fell in her face just like Quan’s did in Silesse when they grew too long. Finn blinked a few times to push away Quan’s image and tried his best to smile at Altena. Altena reached up to him and Finn picked her up, which felt oddly natural.

“Where have you been?” Altena asked tightly, holding onto Finn’s sleeves. “I’ve had so much to talk to you about.”

“My apologies,” Finn answered and Altena eased her grip. “We can catch up now.”

Altena’s bright eyes made Finn’s heart tighten in his chest. Altena smiled at him like nothing was wrong, as though her father wasn’t long dead and lost and the looming fear of Thracia’s next move wasn’t a thing. Altena tilted her head up and looked up at the gray sky with her lips pursed.

“I haven’t seen momma in a while,” Altena said sadly.

Finn hadn’t heard Altena call Ethlyn “momma” in months, Altena was adamant on her stance of “growing out of it.”

“Is she sick? Is that why it’s so quiet?” Altena asked, holding a troubled expression.

Finn had no idea. Her ladies may say otherwise, but knew Ethlyn to be more than capable of hiding her sickness rather well. In Silesse she had tried to hide her nausea since she knew that Quan would want them to return to Leonster. Eventually, she came clean but she managed to get a convincing act together for a couple days even managing to convince Edain to keep quiet.

“No,” Finn answered, unsure if he was lying or not. “She simply needs rest.”

Finn hadn’t the heart nor the imagination to tell Altena, who wasn’t even familiar with the very concept of death, that her father was gone. Altena likely would be confused, she was young, death shouldn’t be something she’d have to worry about. Altena was three, she didn’t need to know her father was slaughtered and uncle reduced to cinders. Hearing a form of a hum from Altena, Finn was pulled out of his morbid thinking.

“I wanted to ask her what we should get daddy for the winter festival,” Altena said with a smile, Finn did his best not to flinch. “He’s already going to miss it, we should at least have something for when he comes home.”

Finn inhaled sharply, _he’s going to miss all the other festivals, too_. He couldn’t say that, Altena’s eyes looked so sad, that would break her. Finn tried to find words to say but everything he wanted to say got caught in his throat. Death. How do you explain it, how do you tell someone who doesn’t know what death is that their father is dead?

“You never told me earlier,” Altena tacked on hesitantly. “Where have you been?”

For the past few days, Finn had been silently screaming “why” over and over to himself, trying to block out the pictures of the dearly departed out of his head.

“I’ve been tending to some important matters.”

“I see,” Altena trailed. “Can we play then?”

Altena’s question was much more cheery than her first. Despite her excited smile, he saw the small dark concern in her eyes. That same dark glint, when-. No. Finn stopped his train of thought there. Altena, alive. Quan, dead. Altena. Quan. Different.

Finn was snapped from his frantic thoughts by the nearby crunching of snow. He looked up and felt Altena slump against him, groaning lowly. He rarely ever saw this woman, but from what he caught from the whispers Altena gave, this was scowly Diane. Or was it just Diane? Finn didn’t know. Ethlyn rarely depended on her children’s nurses preferring to care for them herself. Two days, Ethlyn hadn’t been with Altena, and likely Leif as well, was she ill?

“Ah,” she, Diane possibly, piped. “Sir Finn, I did not expect to see you.”

Altena pushed against Finn’s chest and gave him a bright smile. Ignorance is bliss. A smile that didn’t understand all the tension that was surrounding her. To her, Leonster must have been the same, just quiet, despite there always being war present at the borders, it was never a thing to her. Children do not need to know the horrors of war.

“Can we go on a walk?” Altena leaned in and whispered. “To get away from scowly?”

“Of course.”

“Let’s go then.”

Altena patted Finn’s arm and he carefully let her land with a quiet crunch of snow. She ran off and called out to him but Finn couldn’t really hear her. Diane, or a name he wasn’t aware of, sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Do go after her,” Diane mumbled. “She should listen to you, poor girl.”

Finn nodded and quickly went after Altena’s prints. _“Poor girl.”_ Altena would have to live with those comments, “poor girl” or “poor child.” Words spoken not to her or straight to her face. Fatherless. Finn remembered the choking feeling of those words. Hushed voices, fingers pointing at him from afar, and his peers treating him like cracked glass.

“Finn!”

Finn heard Altena’s call and quickly snapped his head in the direction of the sound. That bright smile, ignorance is bliss, or so the saying goes. Altena wasn’t ignorant, rather, unaware. The truth would crush her but the lies would eventually shatter that bright smile. Finn bit the inside of his lip. Don’t think. Not about that. Anything but that. Anything.

Finn blinked and let his mind wander. A white haze filled his actions. Don’t think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This has been one of my favorite chapters to write (because I didn't feel as much pain as I wrote this) so I hope you enjoyed reading this! Dec.20, 2020


	7. Chapter 6: Painful Thoughts for Company

November.21, 761

Finn kept a fixation on the grey and dreary sky, as though it reflected his current situation. Doubtless it helped much, either. Altena walked ahead of him, bouncing on the balls of her heels. Finn had been training earlier, before Altena had snuck into the knight's grounds, gods know how. Though Finn noticed her when she collided and knocked over a rack of lances, thankfully she wasn’t hurt.

Finn had convinced Altena to accompany him on a walk around the castle. Though he didn’t want to, it was best to keep her closer to a safer area. He used the word safe but fear gnawed at the back of Finn’s mind.  _ It’s only a matter of time. _

“Ah, Altena,” a woman’s voice called, snapping Finn from his thoughts.

Finn shot his gaze forward, watching as Altena was scooped into the woman’s arms. Lady Alfiona held Altena close to her and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. Finn could see the pain in her eyes but it contrasted with the warmth of her smile.

“Grandmother,” Finn blinked a few times as Altena spoke. “Where have you been?”

“Busy, but don’t worry about that,” Alfiona had a cheerful tone when she spoke. “Oh, Finn, hello.”

Finn quickly dropped to one knee, he should have already done that but he rectified his error quickly. Altena’s tone bothered Finn, it was too serious for her, as if she knew something was wrong.

“Rise Finn,” Alfiona was quick to say it. “You need not bow to us, I’m sure-” Her voice cracks a little and her gaze turns dark. “That I have mentioned that to you.”

In truth, Finn knew that she was lying, dancing around names. Though with Altena so close by it was better to follow along. Finn slowly stood up, Altena’s gaze on him felt different, it felt careful.

“What about grandfather?” Altena asked, her words were a little slurred.

“Busy as usual,” Alfiona said. “But you seem tired, let’s get you to your room.”

“But I was going to do the stones with Finn,” Altena protested.

Alfiona gave Finn a confused look, “Finn likely has things to attend to and you can do the stone game you wanted with him after you rest.”

Altena hummed in protest, but Alfiona spared Finn a smile before she walked off. Finn stood in the silent hallway, watching Lady Alfiona disappearing into the dark halls. Alfiona was wrong,Finn had nothing to attend to but the thoughts of a dead man, and the dread of what to do next. Though both went hand in hand no matter how much Finn detested it. He had no company, other than the thoughts that loudly sounded in his head no matter the hour. Finn began to walk, not sure where, his only company being the memories that surfaced in his mind.

\---

_ Finn watched Quan shuffle some papers and random items on his desk to keep them out of Altena’s reach. Altena swung her legs while sitting on Quan’s desk, she wasn’t meant to be in here, but she was taking her father’s attention nonetheless. _

_ Altena pointed to a map Quan was rolling up carefully, “what’s that?” _

_ “Adult things,” Quan answered, ruffling Altena’s hair before tucking the map away in a drawer. _

_ “So... boring stuff,” Altena piped innocently. _

_ Quan let out an airy laugh and Finn had to keep himself from smiling ever so slightly. “These are things you’ll have to do when you’re older, Altena,” Quan said, leaning against his desk. “Then again,” Quan started with a playful tone. “If these things are boring things to you, why did you come here, despite being told not to?” _

_ Altena’s face turned a deep red, Finn was concerned she was going to fall from the desk. Putting up a vain attempt to protest, Altena opened her mouth, though nothing came out. Giving up, she pouted, shooting Quan a glare, which he found hilarious. _

_ “I...I just wanted to see you,” Altena mumbled. “You’ve been busy and I wanted to be with you for a little while.” _

_ Quan’s gaze turned dark, deep in thought. Altena stared at Quan with a pout and Finn also glanced at his lord. Quan had been busy handling military affairs and with his father’s health declining slightly, most affairs in Leonster. Quan planned to depart to Chalphy in order to meet Sigurd soon. Altena, ever the child she was, yearned for her parents attention, but as of late she was lucky to grab Ethlyn’s for an extended period of time. _

_ “Then tomorrow,” Quan suggested, picking Altena up from his desk. “From noon to sunset, you’ll have my time all to yourself.” _

_ “You mean it?” Altena’s eyes lit up with excitement. _

_ “I do,” Quan slowly let Altena slide from his arms and onto the floor. “You have my word.” _

_ Quan was busy tomorrow, he had many things to attend to, Finn wasn’t surprised that he’d do it for Altena though. In a few weeks at most he’d likely be gone and for who knows how long. He remembered what Quan always told him, ‘the necessities of my position will remain the day after. But the time I get with my ever-changing family is something that cannot be missed.’ _

_ “Now get going and spend some time with your mother,” Quan said nudging Altena forward lightly. “Unless you wish to hear about the adult things your father gets to do.” _

_ Altena makes a face before turning on her heel from Quan and Finn. She barely reaches the doorknob when she opens it and disappears into the hallway. Quan slumped into the chair at his desk and tilted his head back, letting out a loud sigh. _

_ “Can you afford to skip out on what you had planned for the afternoon tomorrow?” Finn asked, taking a few steps toward his lord. _

_ “If I can get these done,” he says, rubbing his temples and gesturing to the papers on the desk. “Pour me a drink Finn, I’m not sure I can sit through this without one.” _

_ “Of course,” Finn walks off, quickly grabbing the empty glasses from the table. He starts preparing it the way Quan likes it, having done it so often over the past month he almost does it subconsciously. “Forgive me if this is out of line,” Finn starts. “You seem to give into Altena’s wishes often. Other than your soon departure, how come?” _

_ He hears Quan hum, Finn doesn’t turn his head to look and pours the liquor into the glass. “It’s part of being a parent I suppose,” Quan answers, his words trailed at the end. “You give into their requests because sometimes their pouts work,” Finn huffed at that, “but, when it comes to their safety, you’d do anything to keep them safe. Even if it means…” Quan’s voice was low, Finn waited for him to continue but he didn’t. _

_ Finn walked over to Quan, extending the glass to him. Quan mumbles a thank you and takes a sip. Finn stands nearby, unsure as to what to do. Quan gives Finn a quick glance, “take a seat. I’d enjoy some company for a while.” Finn nods and sits nearby, gaze carefully on Quan and his mind wanders- _

\---

Finn is pulled from his dreary daydreaming as he runs into someone. Catching them by the arm, he blinks, attempting to get a grip on his surroundings. Finn looks at the woman, noticing a weary look in her eyes. Finn carefully gets her steady on her feet. “Are you alright?” He asks. “My apologies, I didn’t see you.”

The woman stares him blankly until her eyes light up in recognition. “Sir Finn, my apologies, I had gotten a bit lost.”

“Do you need me to escort you?”

“No, but thank you for the offer,” the woman said, already walking past Finn.

“Are you one of Lady Ethlyn’s women?” Finn asked without thinking.

The woman paused, sparing a quick glance over her shoulder. “Indeed I am, sir. If you ask,” her eyes grew dark. “She is doing fine, just resting. I must be on my way.” The woman quickly took her leave, clutching her hands to her chest.

Finn stood in the hallway and his gaze narrowed. He pressed his lips together, feeling a tightness in his chest. A lie. It was a lie, she didn’t hide it well. Finn had to see Ethlyn, something was wrong and if she were to slip away when he could do something, he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is late, a lot came up last month. I appreciate your patience with the release of this chapter. Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate any feedback, also happy new year! (Feb.20, 2021)

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea that popped into my mind and I decided to actually act on it. Criticism is appreciated and if you have any tell me and I'll do my best to improve on it! Thanks for reading!


End file.
